I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
