We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
