I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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