i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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