well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
