better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
