Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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