I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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