the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
