you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
