My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
