Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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