i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
