i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
