Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize