i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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