Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
