fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I smell like Dick and happiness
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
