He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
