Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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