I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
