I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
