Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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