During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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