Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
