My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
