I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
