this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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