Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
