I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
