It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
