he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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