Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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