You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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