New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
