it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
