a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
