we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
