cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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