Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
