you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
