just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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