This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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