Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
