By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
