on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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