On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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