i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
