I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
