ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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