So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
