Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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