Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
