Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
