Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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