I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
