So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
