i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
