Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
