Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
