I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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