This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
