i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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