So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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