Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
