I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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