OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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