I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
