i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have aggressive nipples.
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