Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
