But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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