if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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