So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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