i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
