im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
