you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was born a porn star she said
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
