my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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