Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is Oprah even human
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
